I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
