The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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