if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
