What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
