Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
