the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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