mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
