you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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