this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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