So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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