I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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