There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
