Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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