im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
