my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
