I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
