I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
