i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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