Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
