i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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