If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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