The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
