I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
