Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
