Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who died my cat blue again?
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