He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
