Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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