Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
