So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
