i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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