paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
