If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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