my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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