I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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