Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
