I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
