oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
