After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
