i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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