I haven't been this sober since birth.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
