I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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