listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
