Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
