Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
