So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
