a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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