We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
