Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
