You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
