There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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