before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
