this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
